It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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