Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
