I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
