are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
