you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
