K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize
