i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
