He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
My dick has a subreddit
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
