Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
