I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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