trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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