Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Randomize
