True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
She announced her abortion via fbk
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
