You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
