Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
