So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Is it penis luge time yet?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
