Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
