i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
In America we eat man semen.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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