so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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