Betty ford says i'm here all night
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
