just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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