when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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