One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
