I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
