I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
