So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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