I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
