I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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