just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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