when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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