It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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