Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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