Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
