I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
There's a naked man in my car right now.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
