I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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