Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
