I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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