Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
