now i know why i became what i already was.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
