Me too!
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize