I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Duck Duck Cougar?
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
