Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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