Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
