I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
