She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
