I want you more than these girls want KFC
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
