My first STD was from a foam party
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I just gift wrapped bread.
I just found puke in my bra..
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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