I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
