So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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