I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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