There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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