I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
