i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
