just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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