Cold hands, warm shart.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize