She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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