I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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