dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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