I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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