Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
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