Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
