we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize