That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
