let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Never joke about your clitoris.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
