I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
