so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
