When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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