foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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