That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
