Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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