Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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