we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
