doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Send help, water and tortillas.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
