have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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