remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
