Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
