oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
