Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
