but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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