Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
