I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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