hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
