Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize