You're so nebulous sometimes
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
