I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
