I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
