I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
