i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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