we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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