Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
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