Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I've blown a few things in my day
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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