ugly people sure do ruin things
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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