Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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