someone get that fucking seahorse.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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