An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
