you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
