could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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