If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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