Whatcha textin bout Willis?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
